inside my head

Friday, January 19, 2007

inside my head sometimes, as I walk home from school, my head is spinning with 5 years of theory and 18 years of dreams, all for this - these 20 students, these 4 walls, these days... Why, then, is it a crashbangcollisionWOAH when all of that - the theories, the ideals- meets... The Plan Book. the 30 empty squares that represent a week of learning. Monday through friday, reading, writing and 'rithmatic.... I know i'm doing a decent job here. I know I could be doing better, but I know that this is sort of a wild situation... I'm thankful for grace, for patience... for moments of joy and laughter, for connecting and relating... We're beginning literature circles on Monday! The bells and whistles aren't ready, but are they ever really ready? I love that this is where I get to be for now. Who knows where any of us will be tomorrow, right? Tonight I asked God to take some of my dreams away, to give me the dreams that he has for me. I cried, and there are a few laps I wish I could have crawled into, but I've been reminded that our God is BIGGER. Life follows you wherever you go, my friends. Don't for one second think that geography will fool anyone. He'll use it, yes he will, but why is it that in my life, I've been taken to the ends of the earth just to learn the simplest lessons? Don't for one second think that any of us is better than another, we've all got our suitcases packed and we've had to sit on the lid to close them. (Just so you know.) But we serve a Big God, yes? Bigger and better than we know... How have I seen that lately? How will he allow me to continue to see that? I pray I don't bif it. In the meantime, there is this community - the friends, the familys, the activities, the sunrises and the sunsets... There will be the market, the village church, a new housemate, more Ultimate, pancakes...and on Monday, there will be 20 beautiful faces staring up at me, wondering why the copies weren't made. (hooray for techinical difficulties.) alas, we will trudge on, we will all be learning, and maybe, just maybe, our hearts will become more like His. Maybe, just maybe, we will be able to show someone how BIG he is...remind me when I forget, ok friends? Vinaka vaka levu... :)